Mirror & Thinspo

 I woke up this morning and I didn't hide from the mirror, I smiled at it instead. I know I am not the way I desire to look yet. But I know I am closer than I was yesterday. I will continue my healthy diet but I will also try and love myself little by little on the way. I'm tired of being repulsed by my reflection and it's time to forget those ideas. I may not be gorgeous but I need to stop hating every inch of my body. I know I'm not the only one who picks themselves apart every morning. So why don't we all say to hell with it?! Let's try our best to see the good that is there while we work towards the perfection. <3

Required Ana & Thinspo

So I will have to have a full colonoscopy on August 15th and to prepare for it I will have 1day of a liquid diet with an intense colon cleanse.  I am happy about the colon cleanse because although it will be nasty I will finally have everything out of my system and I will have two days where I'm not supposed to eat anything. I know I stopped my restrictive diet to become healthy but 2 days where I'm required to go back for health is nice. I look forward to weight I will lose from the 2day fast and the built up hidden weight of toxins in my colon being emptied out. But I am a little scared what they will find in the scope. I will be under anesthesia so I'll just wake up to "not so bad news" or "it's cancer" news. So guys wish me best :-(

This morning I weighed my 127lbs again. I'm still eating right and yesterday I finished with 1207cals. It was a little too high for me but not terrible. I've noticed what makes the biggest difference is making sure I stop eating by 6pm, it gives my food about 12hrs to digest and I weigh much less in the mornings.
Today's plan:
Bk: 1/2 vitamuffun -50
       1/2 grapefruit -50
Snacks: 1C Special K -120
             1/2 Light Soy -35
             Orange -62
Lunch: Roasted Chkn Verde -230
           1/2 apple -38
Snacks: grilled bell peppers -30
             sugar free jello -10
             Kashi bar -140
             1/4C almonds -170
Dinner: Chkn fruit salad -220
            fat free Italian dressing -30
                                         --------------
                                     total: 1185

Weight Shifts & Thinspo

Yesterday morning I stepped on the scale and it said I weighed 135! D: It was 4.4lbs more than just yesterday! All day I had to struggle to eat right, normally I would just have fasted but I knew it went against what I am working so hard for, health. I ended the day with a total of 1137cals at 6pm. But then this morning I weighed 128.3! 7lbs less than just yesterday. These dramatic weight shifts are son confusing :-(

College & Thinspo

Wow thanks so much for all the positive response on my my last post guys! :D It was such a wonderful feeling to read all those comments of encouragement. You guys make me really happy with this decision and you are the reason I am able to avoid relapses.  :') Thank you a million times! <3

Lottie, Sarah, and Yase if you think you want to try Healthatarian, go for it (: It is not only good for weight loss but for your overall health and labeling yourself as one helps you avoid so many bad situations and gives you a good reason to say no to fatty foods.

Also, I went to freshman orientation today and no wonder people gain a freshman 15lbs in college. The food they serve is crap and terrible for you. I tried my best to make healthy choices but it was hard! They put cookies and brownies next to the salad bar! Who does that?! Well I didn't eat any of them (i sooo wanted one though haha). Colleges need to have health requirements :P I'm glad I live off campus and can buy my own food.

Healthatarian & Thinspo

So today I ate exactly to plan and then I got to work. It was about 7pm and I was starving and looming in the back were some cookies. Well I ended up eating about 490cals worth :c So full of self loathing and guilt at what I had just done I chugged a lot of water and grabbed a rubber band to tie my hair back as I went to the bathroom to purge. I got in there shut the door and I stopped. I thought, "I've put this behind me now. My health is more important than a possible 2lbs gained just now." And I didn't purge (: I took responsibility for the calories I ate and now I feel much stronger. I still feel bad about the cookies but I am also happy because I have this new found strength that I just can't explain.

Also, you know there are Vegans, Vegatarians, and Pescatarians? Well I've been a pescatarian for a while now but I have decided I will also become a Healthatarian (: It means someone who doesn't eat cakes, cookies, ice creams, fast foods, or over processed foods unless it is necessary or a special occasion such as a birthday or weeding. I figured this would help me avoid the bad feelings in the first place. <3

New eating habits & Thinspo

So I thought I would show you all about what I eat in a day:
Breakfast: Light Apple Cinnamon Oatmeal -170
                1/2 grapefruit                             -52
Snacks: orange                                          -62
            banana                                        -110
            2 whole grain fig newtons            -100
Lunch: Grilled Chicken                           -100
           1C squash steamed                     -35
Snacks: Lemon Jello                               -10
             1 slice raisin bread                    -80
             1/2 grapefruit                           -52
Dinner: light English muffin                     -80
           1 wedge laughing cow cheese     -35
           grapefruit                                    -104
                                                    ----------------
                                                  total: 990

Doing well & Thinspo

First I would like to thank everyone for their support and advice. It has really helped me and made me feel much better about these days and this decision. I really appreciate each and every bit of it.
So far I've done well on my goal of a "normal" diet. Sometimes it is terrifying to eat this much but I am slowly adjusting. The first day I had a relapse and just started running laps around my neighborhood at night desperately trying to erase what I had eaten. As of now I can eat about 1200cals a day. It is freaking me out but I can manage. And my weight went up the first two days but back down again today so that gave me a bit of peace of mind. I pray a lot, sometimes eating like this feels harder than "starving." Anyway, I hope everyone else is doing well! I miss you guys <3